Pop Culture Influences on Modern Relationships: What We Can Learn

From the movies and TV shows we watch to the music we listen to and the social media we scroll through, pop culture is everywhere. And whether we realize it or not, it has a major influence on our relationships and how we view love and dating.

There's no denying that pop culture provides a form of entertainment and escape. But it also shapes our perceptions and expectations in profound ways. The relationships we see depicted in films, songs, and online aren't always realistic or healthy. In many cases, they reinforce outdated stereotypes and problematic dynamics.

At the same time, pop culture can raise awareness about important issues and model positive relationship behaviors. By looking at pop culture through a critical lens, we can learn valuable lessons about communication, boundaries, and what healthy partnerships should look like.

Romantic Myths and Unrealistic Portrayals

One of the biggest issues with pop culture's depiction of relationships is the prevalence of romantic myths and unrealistic ideals. We're bombarded with the message that intense passion and dramatic ups and downs are signs of true love.

How many rom-coms have we seen where the leads start out hating each other, only to eventually fall into an all-consuming romance full of heated arguments and steamy make-up sessions? While this tired trope makes for entertaining drama onscreen, it promotes the unhealthy idea that constant conflict is normal and even desirable in a relationship.

The "romantic" gestures we see in movies and read about in books are often over-the-top, borderline stalker behaviors in the real world. Think of the countless examples of male leads showing up unannounced, disregarding the woman's boundaries, and refusing to take no for an answer until she finally gives in.

These storylines reinforce the harmful notion that persistence and grand romantic gestures are the way to someone's heart, as opposed to mutual respect and consent. They teach audiences to idolize jealousy, possessiveness, and the idea of changing to suit a partner's desires.

We're also fed the myth that obtaining a romantic partner is the ultimate key to happiness and fulfillment. So many pop culture stories, especially those aimed at younger audiences, focus heavily on the quest to find "The One" at the expense of everything else.

The relationships themselves often lack depth or nuance beyond the initial courtship phase. They reinforce the idea that a successful, lasting partnership simply happens once you find your soulmate, rather than being the result of continuous work and commitment from both people.

In reality, no single person can ever complete you or be your perpetual source of happiness. And a truly healthy, sustainable relationship requires much more than infatuation and physical attraction. Things like shared values, emotional intimacy, and compatibility in your lifestyles and goals for the future matter just as much, if not more.

Outdated Gender Roles and Power Imbalances

Another concerning pattern in pop culture's portrayal of relationships is how frequently it reinforces antiquated gender roles and unequal power dynamics between partners.

Too often, we see women depicted as helpless damsels who need a strong male hero to rescue them. Or we have the "cool girl" archetype who is one of the guys, accomplishes everything with ease, and primarily exists to serve the male lead's desires without making demands of her own.

On the flip side, male characters are frequently portrayed as emotionally unavailable commitment-phobes who need to be tamed and domesticated by the love of a good woman. We have endless examples of gruff, brooding bachelors who seem to loathe the idea of settling down - that is, until they meet The One who finally convinces them to embrace traditional relationship roles.

While these story arcs can be entertaining wish-fulfillment for some audiences, they perpetuate the idea that women should be passive and prioritize a man's needs over her own. Similarly, they reinforce toxic notions of masculinity, suggesting that men are incomplete or less of a man if they embrace emotional vulnerability and true partnership.

There's also a common thread of relationships where one person has an unhealthy level of control and authority over the other. Whether it's the dominating corporate boss pursuing an underling, the brooding billionaire with a penchant for controlling younger women, or the overbearing parental figure who dictates the terms of relationships with younger love interests, we see a lot of concerning power imbalances normalized.

While these dynamics make for tension-filled romantic subplots, they teach audiences that it's acceptable for one partner to hold excessive influence and that having underlings or subordinates as relationship prospects is okay. In reality, any healthy relationship advice will emphasize the importance of two equal partners making decisions together without coercion or control issues.

Raising Awareness and Positive Examples

It's not all bad news in how pop culture depicts relationships though. While there are plenty of negative examples, we're also seeing an increasing number of stories that raise awareness about important issues and model healthy relationship behaviors.

From TV shows exploring topics like consent, setting boundaries, and navigating non-traditional partnerships to films and literature celebrating the complexities of modern love and dating, we have more examples of nuanced relationships than ever before.

Shows like Sex Education have done an impressive job using humor and realism to tackle subjects that have historically been taboo. Through likable characters and compelling storytelling, it exposes audiences to philosophies like enthusiastic consent, inclusive feminism, and the importance of open communication about desires and insecurities.

We're also seeing relationships between LGBTQ+ characters depicted in more thoughtful, fully realized ways, challenging audiences to expand their views on what constitutes a conventional romantic partnership. Films like Booksmart, Moonlight, and Love, Simon have been celebrated for their insightful, boundary-pushing explorations of identity and sexuality.

Even genres not traditionally known for progressive storylines have included refreshing examples of respectful, emotionally available male characters with depth and vulnerability. Shows like Ted Lasso, Bob's Burgers, and dismantling outdated notions of what it means to be a loving partner and parent.

And while there will always be lighthearted romantic fantasies, we're getting more honest depictions about how trying and at times mundane long-term relationships can be - and how that's perfectly okay. Stories like Catastrophe, Lovesick, and the book Normal People have received praise for their authentic, unsentimental looks at dating, marriage, and all the ups and downs in between.

These are the types of examples we should embrace and amplify - the ones that depict relationships as multi-faceted, with a range of experiences rather than infantile wish-fulfillment. When we see relationships onscreen that reflect our realities, encourage open dialogue about wants and needs, and acknowledge that tough times and conflicts are inevitable, pop culture can have a positive influence.

Using Pop Culture to Start Important Conversations

At the end of the day, pop culture is a product designed for mass consumption and entertainment. There will always be examples that tap into our basest fantasies and perpetuate fairytale myths or reductive stereotypes about relationships and romance. But that doesn't mean we should ignore pop culture's effects and potential use as a conversation starter.

When we watch, read, or consume pop culture focused on relationships, it provides an excellent opportunity for self-reflection and discussion with our partners. We can contemplate: Do the dynamics and expectations we see reflected actually align with our values and relationship goals? Are there lessons to be learned, even from negative examples of toxic behaviors or antiquated gender roles?

With younger audiences especially, pop culture gives parents, teachers, and mentors a natural opening to explore sensitive subjects like personal boundaries, consent, healthy disagreement resolution, and other important concepts around dating and intimacy. Talking through examples in TV, movies, or books they enjoy can lead to productive discourse and learning opportunities.

Most importantly, examining pop culture portrayals of romance through a critical lens can help reframe expectations about connection and commitment. If all we consume depicts whirlwind courtships or unrealistic passion, it can create disillusionment and dissatisfaction when real relationships inevitably hit rocky patches or lose their initial intensity.

Pop culture has a tendency to oversimplify and indulge fairy tale endings, while glossing over the difficult work and compromises involved in cultivating a lasting partnership. When we look beyond the fantasy to the truth that all relationships require sustained effort and mutual growth, it empowers us to keep showing up with open hearts and minds, even when the butterflies fade.

At its best, pop culture can hold a mirror up to society, but it can also provide invaluable education and bring difficult conversations into the mainstream. As long as we consume with a critical eye and use it as a jumping-off point for deeper dialogue and reflection, there are plenty of positive lessons to glean about intimacy, fulfillment, and what truly makes a contemporary relationship work.